This past weekend I was in the wedding of my very dear friend KRodg. It was an amazing wedding, on the beach, beautiful perfect weather, and attended by great people. KR's attention to detail in her planning was phenomenal - every little thing mixed and matched. I loved it. Bravo KRodg! A few photos:
the beach...
As I stood on the beach, watching the happy couple saying their vows, I couldn't help but reflect on my life and where I am and where I am destined to go. Lately, I've had a lot of ups and downs and not knowing what I want, where I want to be, and what lies ahead - in regards to work, living, marriage/kids, etc. As I talk to my different friends, I feel that I will never be able to figure all of these things out because the unknown never ends. Everyone goes through this, and many of my close friends are going through the same things (which is always nice to hear and know that you're not alone). I realize that life is a matter of making your happiness and spending time with the ones you love. But what happens when you worked your butt off to make your happiness... and then you got there and realized you weren't happy at all?
That's the boat I'm currently in. After my bad breakup in 2009, I focused on ME and worked my butt off to get to where I am today in my career. Don't get my wrong - I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 2-3 years of me time :), taking trips across the globe to visit friends and see the world, racing all over the place to stay in shape and just enjoying time with fam and friends. I started a new job a few months ago - one that I strived to get since I set my mind on working in events. And now that I'm here.... well I'm just not loving it like I thought I would. I find that I'm easily irritable (my boyfriend can 100% agree!), that I'm annoyed pretty much all the time, and just overall BLAH! I've only raced once (well twice if you consider a sprint tri i didn't train for), and didn't love how I did. I am rarely in the mood to workout, which is not like me, and I just never seem satisfied. I won't go into much detail regarding the job since anyone out there could be reading this. But I'm just trying to figure out where I went wrong. Is it just that a ton of things aren't going the way I want them so I'm blaming them on work? Or did my Mr Wonderful just walk into my life unexpectedly and cause me to question everything I thought I wanted?
I see KRodg and O - loving life, traveling the world together, enjoying OCNJ throughout the summer, hanging with friends and just being happy... and I want that! I am so in love with Face (the bf) but he lives far away (why am I always in distance relationships? a constant question of mine), and I am so ready to be living in the same area, spending quality time together, doing what we want, when we want and just "being" TOGETHER. I want the simple life... with friends and family near by, a fantastic best friend, lover :P, and life partner, and a job and whatever it takes to keep me sane and happy.
So again.. I am on the hunt trying to figure out what will make me happy, looking for a job and a life near Face so we can be together ... but will this be an endless road I head down? Will I always be searching? Will the grass always be greener? I don't know. Another question - when do you put career before love? But maybe that's a question for another day.
Today, I'm happy to have the people I have in my life, and the wedding this weekend was a reminder of that; so was spending time with my family - parents, sis, bro-in-law, nieces and nephew. My family and friends make me happy ... and I'm starting to really realize - it's not where but who you're with that really matters (thanks DMB!). Which makes me want to live near/with Face as soon as possible - be that DC, Boston or Philly. Here I go all over again... on mission to be ... whatever makes me happy.
Love you girl...you got this and I'm happy to help you navigate the waters however I can!! :) xo
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